Facebook

I seriously love Facebook! You might even say that I am even a little addicted to it. I'm not as bad as some people who update their status every 30 minutes. Like, for example, in this comic:



I really like this article that CNN compiled of the 12 Facebook personality types. Which one are YOU?

The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. "I'm waking up." "I had Wheaties for breakfast." "I'm bored at work." "I'm stuck in traffic." You're kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn't mean we all want to know when you're waiting for the bus.

The Self-Promoter. OK, so we've probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.

The Friend-Padder. The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies -- you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway -- might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 "friends?" Unless you're George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That's just showing off.

The Town Crier. "Michael Jackson is dead!!!" You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.

The TMIer. "Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids." Boundaries of privacy and decorum don't seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad Grammarian. "So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe". Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter. "Barbara is feeling sad today." "Man, am I glad that's over." "Jim could really use some good news about now." Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks -- baited with vague tales of woe -- in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding in the shadows. It's just a little creepy.

The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn't complain about. "Carl isn't really that impressed with idiots who don't realize how idiotic they are." [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.

The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone's posted a photo of you from last weekend's party -- a photo you didn't authorize and haven't even seen? You'd really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Obscurist. "If not now then when?" "You'll see..." "Grist for the mill." "John is, small world." "Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not." [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you're not being mysterious -- just nonsensical.


The Chronic Inviter. "Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which 'Star Trek' character are you? Here are the 'Top 5 cars I have personally owned.' Here are '25 Things About Me.' Here's a drink. What drink are you? We're related! I took the 'What President Are You?' quiz and found out I'm Millard Fillmore! What president are you?"

You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don't care what president I am -- can't we simply be friends? Now excuse me while I go post the link to this story on my Facebook page.

Letter Assignment

Dear Bill Marriott,

I am writing this letter to express the concerns I have regarding the availability of pornography in Marriott hotel rooms. Although you may argue that access to pornography is a right to “freedom of speech”, I have to adamantly disagree. There are also some people that do not want these images allowed in their hotel rooms, and I believe this is violating their “freedom of speech”.

To me, it seems very incongruent that you have both Book of Mormons and pornography available in your hotel rooms. I think it is great that your provide Book of Mormons for people to read as a missionary tool. Also, because the Marriott hotel is based in Salt Lake, there are many members of the LDS Church that stay there, so the Book of Mormons are much appreciated. I also think that it would be great if you could further promote the beliefs of the LDS Church by banning all adult content on the TVs in your rooms because as an LDS Church, we believe that pornography is wrong.

Further, a vast amount of research has shown that pornography use is an addiction and that people who view it get hooked instantly. You wouldn’t equip your hotel rooms with marijuana or crack/cocaine, would you? The truth is, pornography has the same effects as these drugs do; the only difference is that it is not ingested into the body the same way. It is ingested into the eyes, mind and soul, and destroys family life and ultimate happiness.

Last, there are probably many excuses as to why you would allow pornography at Marriott hotels. You may be worried that you will lose business because many people do want pornography in their hotels rooms. Or, again, you may think that it is an individual right for companies and individuals to provide pornography for customers because of “freedom of speech”. Personally, I believe that you can be different, and that many people expect you to be different because you are the owner of the Marriott hotel. Under that name, there is much respect and high esteem. By banning pornography in your hotel rooms, I believe that you will be much more respected by individuals and families around the world, and that the world will become a better place through these actions.

Sincerely,

Caroline King